What's New?

I shared my last post right before my second son was born. So, what's new? Well, it took some time to adjust to life with two little people, but we've managed to continue thriving and enjoying family life over the last four years. I think no matter what your background adding kids to the family will change the dynamic, but growing to a family of four has been amazing for us and we feel incredibly blessed. Our boys have the typical sibling dynamics of bickering and annoying each other, but they are also best buddies and love to do just about everything together. My husband and I are so grateful for their relationship and do our best to foster that. Besides, there aren't a lot of kids who will have their unique AfroLankan in America experience! Maintaining a tight family bond is key for interracial/intercultural families because we are the only ones who know what it's like to be us and our boys will be the only two who know their unique experience, so we encourage their bonding as much as possible. Being a black or brown kid in America already presents many challenges and when you add a mixed ancestry to the list of identity factors they have to navigate it's critical to let your kids know that they have support around them. Knowing that our family unit is tight is invaluable.

The Invisibility of Brown on Brown and Black on Brown Interracial Relationships

*Disclaimer, these are my opinions, based on my experiences and observations and I want to make it clear that I embrace and celebrate all loving relationships, mixed race or not.

Are you like me, looking for information on interracial relationships between people who aren't white? Do you usually find little to nothing about brown/brown or black/brown couples? I suppose you could chalk it up to the fact that interracial relationships, although on the rise, do comprise a small percentage of married couples, but I've always found it interesting that the black/white or brown/white couples are simply more visible in the media. Check out this USA Today article. Note how the categories are disaggregated by White/other, but other mixed is all lumped together. Also, check out that slide show. To me this doesn't paint a comprehensive picture of who is connecting to whom. Okay, so you can't be too harsh considering the source is USA today, but google anything on interracial marriage and you'll see that the first photos that pop up are of a white woman or man and often an African-American (or Asian) significant other. I guess if you're both brown, it's not as big of a deal? Are we invisible? Does a stark skin tone contrast or difference in phenotypical characteristics have to exist for people to acknowledge a relationship is mixed? I always have these questions. Mainly because I think, while these representations are not inaccurate, it does take away the voice of those who are categorized as "the other" and happen to find love with each other.

As you can see from previous posts, I am a lighter complexioned black woman(I use the term black purely in the racial categorization sense. My husband is a darker brown Sri Lankan man--sometimes when he has a hair cut short he's actually been mistaken for an African American guy. Most people don't look twice at us (to our area's credit, it's a very diverse place to live to begin with). [I can only recall one incident when a black man confronted me about why I didn't like black men--my response, "I like good people" and he couldn't argue with that.] I'm okay with that, but I do find the coverage of the increasing number of interracial couples to be very limited and biased toward a white perspective. Especially if you're a black woman. Black women are often lamented as limiting their dating and marriage partners to black men, who often wander over to the "other side," the world of white women. And we're often perceived as undesirable to white men (whatever, just take a walk in Baltimore :)!) I personally hate this narrative. It's a very limiting (and invalid) view of black women, our beauty, our talents, our versatility, and our diversity. We're very capable of dating outside of the black race, but it's a matter of choice for some and opportunity for others. I'm not convinced that men of other races do not find black women attractive--although I'm a bit biased. :) But back to the original topic--Black and brown and brown/brown couples are often ignored in the big discussions about interracial couplings, in my opinion, which is one reason I wanted to start writing this blog. We non-white, mixed race couples are here, we have a voice, and most importantly, we love each other. We deserve to be represented and have our identities acknowledged.

Another Afro-Lankan is on his way!

So here I am again at my annual ritual of posting about our family. I think about this blog constantly and have let life happen, so per usual it takes ages to get back to it. I am happy to share, however, that we are expecting Afro-Lankan baby number 2 this September! Another little boy! Our first son, who turns 3 this December, is still back and forth about whether he wants a sibling--at first he told me he wanted an airplane or helicopter when I asked if he wanted a brother or sister--but I think he'll make an awesome big brother!

We are thrilled! Especially my husband!

More kids? Trying for that girl? At this point, not likely. We live in the DC area where the cost of living is nothing short of wacky and we want to be able to provide amazing experiences for our sons, i.e., excellent educational experiences, access to different sports activities, music, travel, etc. Talk to me about another baby if we win the lottery somehow. :) I am extremely grateful for the two children with whom we've been blessed and I'm super excited for the new arrival. I am actually (and I sincerely mean it) looking forward to having another noisy little guy in the house. I really hope he and his brother grow up close and are friends because there really won't be too many kids like them around. My husband and I hope to cultivate a close relationship between them. In other news, albeit, probably not as exciting as a new baby, I am taking my final, required Ph.D. course this summer. Next year I hope to complete my comprehensive exam and get started on my dissertation. It hasn't been an easy journey with working full time, taking care of a toddler, a husband, and a pregnancy, but I'm one step closer to attaining my educational goals (don't ask me what I plan to do with the Ph.D. just yet, that remains to be seen until after baby arrives). I'm really lucky to be married to a supportive husband--furthering one's education is definitely a cornerstone value of ours. Excitingly enough for my husband, he is pursuing a really neat business venture. I'm really proud of him for pursuing his passion and can't wait to see his success unfold. Thanks if you're still following and do stay tuned, there will be more posts, especially as I wrap up my graduate coursework.

Back at it!

It's been ages since I last posted. I seem to be going at a rate of about one or two posts per year, but I haven't given up! We've just been really busy! I've got some exciting ideas for content, so stay tuned. For my two followers (yay!) if you're still out there and interested, the husband and I are still going strong and growing and learning together. The biggest change has been parenthood! Our little guy is turning 2 this month. It's been said before, but the time really does go by so quickly! Check out his mini fro!

I hope to post some more pictures and share some of our adventures as a mixie family! Love, joy, and peace to you during this holiday season!

Sydney's Birth announcement

Seersucker Blue Baby Announcements

Shutterfly has cute baby announcements and Valentine's Day cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Baby Time

So, it's been a long time since I've even touched this blog, but today I had a really interesting experience that compelled me to revisit it. A friend of mine conducted an interview, with me as the subject, on the topic of interracial relationships. It got me "googling" again, shortly thereafter. Still not a lot of info on the topic of black female/south asian male relationships. However, it surprises me a lot less than it used to. Maybe I'm still looking in the wrong places, but in any case, that's not what this entry is about. We are happily expecting a baby boy!

We will, in a few weeks, finally answer the question that most of our friends and family have been dying to know...what will our child look like? I have my suspicions that he will be absolutely adorable (slight bias there), but more than likely that he will look like most brown kids--cute and tan! (The biggest mystery that remains is what the hair plans to do. I guess in some ways I'm glad this one is a boy because if things get too complex, out come the clippers!) Most folks we know speculate that this child will be some sort of beautiful, exotic little guy--I'm not complaining about that at all, however, I've encountered several comments to the effect of "mixed kids are so gorgeous," or "mixed babies are so pretty." As compared to what, I'm not too sure. The looks gene seems to be luck of the draw as far as I'm concerned and ultimately, I'm pretty much mostly interested in the type of character traits our son will develop as we try to cultivate a caring and compassionate human being to contribute to the world.

Also, more than what our son will look like, I focus on the typical mommy worries and desires. I want him to be healthy and smart and know that he is always loved. So far, we are off to a good start. My friend asked me in the interview today how we plan to address the two cultures that will comprise our son's background. To that I responded as openly as possible. I feel it is imperative for our son to understand that he is a conglomeration of multiple ethnicities and that he should be proud of all of them. I foresee some difficult conversations ahead as he navigates his identity, but our goal is to address these issues as they arise.

For now, I'm excited about/nervous about/looking forward to the big changes that will be happening in our lives within the next seven weeks. I can't wait to meet this guy.

Afro Lankan: A meshing of cultures

After much "googling" of "Black/Sri Lankan," "African-American and Sri Lankan." "Sri Lanka men and black women," I quickly discovered that there was not much literature on the topic of interracial couples in black/Sri Lankan relationships. That, of course, does not mean we aren't out there, but I was hoping to find more information on the topic.

There are a watershed of blogs about black/white, black/asian, asian/white, "other"/white relationships. This is somewhat frustrating just because people seem to think in terms of "brown/black/red/yellow" + white terms when in fact you have plenty of people of color dating amongst each other. Somehow the world (media, internet) does not seem to acknowledge or be aware of the plethora of brown on brown combinations and the subsequent culture meshing (or clashing) that comes with dating someone outside of your race--even if they aren't white.

I have been married to my Sri-Lankan husband for two-and-a-half years and we have as of yet to run into many Sri-Lankan/African-American couples. I know you are out there! :-)

Ours has been an interesting journey. I hope to share more and maybe find others with a similar story.